Rav Etan's D'var Torah for Shabbat Mevarchim Parashat Shemini

We are all experiencing grief in different ways right now. For some, it is the death of a loved one. For others, it is grieving our previous lives. No matter what type of loss we are navigating during this current predicament, we can learn from the instructive response to mourning and grief exemplified by Aaron in this week’s parsha.

After experiencing the immense loss of this two sons, Nadav and Avihu, Aaron has no words, “Vayidom Aharon,” Aaron was silent. One of the books that I read during chaplaincy that had a profound impact on me, All of our Losses, All of our Griefs (Anderson and Mitchell), describes how loss and grief comes in many different shapes and forms. 

It is not an emotion only reserved for mourners after the death of a love one.  There is loss and grief for things big and for things small. There is grief over the loss of a job, the loss of a romantic relationship, the loss of a friendship. There is grief over lost health or athletic abilities, lost youth or lost wealth. 

Right now, we are all most likely experiencing loss and grief in some form or another and Aaron’s response can be helpful for all of us right now. Sometimes there needs to be a little more silence - less focus on the latest news and buzz, and some more time for contemplation, introspection and reflection. We are all in a sense, sitting shiva. Not literally, but eerily similar to the real thing in that for the most part we are staying at home. And we certainly are not going to parties, concerts and movies (all restricted during mourning).

There’s a lot of talk even now about what life will look like when we emerge from this. I would urge us all not to rush out of our homes so quickly, even when the time comes, but to be more intentional. Just like when we emerge from shiva, life does not go back to normal, rather a new normal emerges. Slowly we leave our homes and enter into the slightly less restrictive 30-day period of mourning, and finally the even less restrictive eleven/twelve month period of kaddish and year of mourning. This cycle of mourning gives us a framework and allows us to process the grief in a healthy and therapeutic fashion. So too, as we think about our own loss and grief during this time, let’s give ourselves the silence, time and space we need to heal.

Shabbat Shalom!
Rav Etan